The butterfly in the cocoon doesn’t know it’s about to be a butterfly. If you were to crack that sucker open, all you would find is a disheveled ( and startled) ball of mushy former caterpillar.
This is what’s happening, I feel that this summer has been my cocoon period. I was a smushy, messy, ball of mush.
I drank a lot. I went out a ton. I partied a lot. I dated a lot. I met some amazing new friends, and guys, and had some rough times thrown in there too. I experimented, and it panned out. I put my whole self out there, and it didn’t work.
I came back to my vision of what I want for myself. Some days, this is harder than others. Today, it’s way easier. I see why.
I gave up. That’s right. That’s the attitude I’m talking about here. I gave up. All of it. The mess, the mush, the in-between, the half-boyfriends, the not-fully-committed, the just-right-enough, the has-beens, the goals, the dreams and the ambitions: I needed to change.
I took down my own name and stored it in a jar, ‘crack open in case of emergency’. I broke it open, oh! There, I’ve been looking for you, all along. I accepted that I am flawed and that I am human. I roll with the punches, a ton. I came out of my shell a little bit more. I gave up things I didn’t want, and stumbled on things I do. I remembered who I was, who I am.
I accepted the fact that I’m going to be alone for a long time, and I felt that sentence ripple through every facet of my being. I came into the wisdom that I know how powerful I am when I can fully focus, on the moment.
It takes a lot for the person you’re going to be to accept the person you are. Who you are becoming is already within you. As Michelangelo is rumored to have said, “I saw the angel in the marble and carved until I set him free.”
The angel is already within you, its within all of us. It’s up to you to figure out how to empower yourself through these self- destructive times and periods of self-doubt. When we grow, we know how to support ourselves when everything around us seems to be smushy (which it sometimes is). Life’s handing you flakes of courage to catch on your tongue like snowflakes. It gets you past the past, and onward, into your dreams. Lift yourself up, release self- doubt, cool down on your destructive habits. Recognize what you flee from, and what makes your feelings ignite. Simple, small and significant catalysts can lead you to your higher power.
The greatest gift you can bestow upon yourself is your own forgiveness. Thus, empowerment. The grief of past mistakes is lifted and suddenly, you are a butterfly.