Who makes you feel wanted, cherished, needed, loved, important, and special? How do you separate the people who bring you up and those who really, well… don’t? Who do you know that continuously settles for the less-than-quality relationships in all aspects of their life, whether it is with work relationships, friendships, or romantic relationships?
What do you look for in relationships? I wanted to be a cool kid in middle school, and sometimes in high school, so there were a few times I settled for relationships that looked full and joyous on the outside, except did nothing for me on the inside. At the time, despite feeling lonely with my ‘friends’, I continuously called these folks my friends, my tribe, and hung out with them, even when doing so, left me lonely and incomplete. Why do we do this to ourselves, when we know it will bring us pain?
Today, I challenge you to examine the relationships you have, romantically and platonically, and see what qualities are prevalent throughout the people you surround yourself with. Relationships are not meant to be easy, but that doesn’t mean they’re not worthwhile. There are a few select goodhearted, always there for me, people that I turn to when I am feeling down and out. I can count on their support and friendship, through darkness and light. How do you pick the good seeds from bad?
I can try to explain. First, many times, we are drawn to people who are there to serve a lesson to us, in some form. Even through the smallest crack, light can escape, so even these people who turn us into people we may not be proud of are there to teach us a valuable lesson. Think of the man who broke your engagement, so you would choose more carefully the next time, or the woman who supported you, when you didn’t feel loveable; these people came into our lives for a reason. The people who love us up, through words and actions, are part of our team, or our ‘Superhero Squad’. These people lift us up, bring out the best in us, and support us, no matter what.
Ask yourself this: would this person matter to you in 4 years? Who is the friend or partner you call when you’re tired, sore, cranky, upset? Who calls you only when they want to go out drinking, or desire something you’ve got? Where do you spread yourself thinnest, and what do you feel in return?
I want you to know, you are more than good enough to surround yourself with real-life superheroes. We seek those who bring out what we hope to feel in ourselves, so sometimes, surrounding ourselves with the pretty, popular crowd, makes us feel this way too. We also admire traits in others that we hope to cultivate in ourselves. When we are not feeling so healthy, maybe we are around more wellness-minded folk, or when we don’t feel aspirational, maybe we bring out the inspiration in others , through surrounding ourselves with those who have steady goals.
Through our lives, we will stumble inside these deeper relationships, where it feels instantly you have known this person always, or were meant to meet this person at this exact second. What does this do for us? It reminds us to keep holding on, that we are good enough, we are important, and our existence here is not just for show.
It is our good hearts that attract other good hearts. Questions your relationships, boldly! Feel free to free yourself from those that no longer serve you today. What have you been holding onto, and why? Question the way you feel when you are supporting another, and ask yourself for the record, does this person lift you up too, or it support only coming from you? Who leaves you feeling wiped and emotionally drained, and who leaves you feeling like a breathe of fresh air?
This is a choice we must make. For at the end of our day, we will be preserved in memories, the memories of those that we chose to support and surround ourselves with. While it may not be abundantly clear who is your soul mate, or who is your true-blue best friend, is that title worth settling for, or would you like to weed out the bad news so the good news can flow?
Thanks for your support.